Peer conflict is common and happens often throughout middle school. As students continue to grow up and develop into more of their own person, interests and personality changes could affect current friendships, while the increase in hormones and a greater focus on peer approval might lead to more hurt feelings and increased conflict. Developing effective conflict resolutions skills can be beneficial in helping students learn how to handle their own feelings, resolve issues with others, and establish healthier relationships. Here are some tips and strategies for conflict resolution for students to talk about and practice.
Recognize and manage your own emotions – it’s hard to effectively communicate with others when we are unsure of how or why we feel the way that we do. The more we are able to acknowledge our own emotions, the easier it is to communicate them with others
Fight Fair: the way we approach conversations is important in creating a more positive resolution rather than leading to further conflict. Practice these skills when for positive conflict resolution:
1. Remain calm – practice strategies to help stay calm as emotions come up
2. Be respectful – treat the other person the way you want them to treat you
3. Be specific about what is bothering you and what you need – stick to facts to avoid exaggeration and avoid overgeneralizations like “always” or “never”
4. Tackle one issue at a time – don’t bring up other problems or past issues
5. Do not attack the other person – stay away from name-calling, yelling, or accusing
6. Use “I” statements – keep the focus on how you feel instead of what they have done
7. Avoid clamming up and withdrawing – positive resolution involves both parties being willing to engage in open communication together
Use active listening – try to see where the other person is coming from by resisting the urge to interrupt, asking clarifying questions, use non-verbal language to show you are listening (eye contact, head nodding)
Prioritize the relationship over winning – we often go into arguments thinking we have to “win” and the other person needs to “lose,” but the real goal should be to reach some sort of mutual understanding and find a solution that feels acceptable for everyone. Instead of “me vs. you” try thinking about it as “me and you vs. the problem.” It is possible to come together, think creatively, and have everyone walk away feeling like their needs have been met.
If you would like to meet with your school counselor - CLICK HERE
· Suicide Prevention Lifeline: (800) 273-8255
· Crisis Text Line: text word "HOME" to 741-741
· Didi Hirsch Mental health Services: (877) 727-4747
· L.A. County Mental Health Services: (800) 854-7771
· The Trevor Project: (866) 488-7386
_____________________________
