Building social skills and social connections is an important part of early adolescent development for middle school students. During this stage of development, it is normal for students to experience more shifts in mood, a greater need for privacy, higher value on the opinions of peers and need to fit in. Close friendships might start to gain importance, with less affection shown to parents, as well as testing out limits and sometimes increased conflict with parents. The need for more social interactions and acceptance is likely heightened this year, after limited social contact with peers during distanced learning last year.

Social and emotional skills are learned and developed over time, and not everyone learns and develops these skills at the same pace. In childhood, social skills are learned from observing and imitating behaviors of those around us – mostly our parents. As kids get older, it is important for them to start learning how to do things on their own. While it can be hard to watch kids make mistakes, make poor choices, or struggle with social issues, try to remember that this is part of the learning process. While it is healthy for kids to start learning things on their own, parents still play a significant role in guiding and helping them through this process. Here are some tips to help support students in developing social and emotional skills in middle school.

Follow their interests – kids are more likely to enjoy their time with others when they are doing something they are genuinely interested in, so being helping kids find ways to be around like-minded individuals with similar interests is a great way to start building social skills – join a sports team, music group, club, etc.

Be curious – ask lots of questions and encourage students to share from their own perspective about their experiences, talk through different situations with them and prompt them to share their thoughts and feelings about things going on with school, friends, or other events in their lives

Asking questions is a great way to build connections with others – so parents can model this for kids as well as teach them to ask questions to get to know others as a way to build social skills 

Develop your listening skills – resist the urge to offer your own feedback, and encourage students to come up with their own solutions to social problems - practice problem solving with them instead of for them

Again, listening is an important social skill parents can model for their kids and also encourage them to practice with others

Teach empathy – the more we can understand how others feel the more likely we are to feel connected and form positive bonds with others - make sure to acknowledge and validate your own kid’s feelings, but also encourage them to think about what other people might be thinking and feeling in different social situations

Know your child’s limits – some kids are naturally more social than others, and kids who are more shy and introverted in nature should not be expected to interact with others in the same way as more naturally outgoing and talkative kids – help your kid identify what social situations feel more comfortable for them: smaller groups, structured activities, smaller time periods, etc.

Social skills help us learn to communicate, relate, and connect with other people. Not only does this help us to form friendships, but can also help increase confidence and often leads to greater rates of success both academically and in future careers.

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